a concrete step

over the years, the corner of my porch steps crumbled away. it got bigger & bigger, and eventually the railing had nothing to bolt onto...and just hung there in thin air.
it bugged me. all of the time. it seemed disgraceful. like it reflected my ability to care for my home. but I figured someone else would have to fix it for me. cause, it was concrete...

and I asked the men in my life, how do we fix it? I was told it would be pretty easy, it would be a small job, probably too small to hire someone to do, a form would have to be built, maybe drill in some rebar, pour the concrete, re-attach the railing. I didn't believe it would be easy enough for me to do without their help.

and I kept getting stuck at "build a form"?

it finally hit me. I was the person who had to fix it. and waiting for someone to have the time to help me was no longer working.

and so I did.

 figured out how to build the form. figured out what tools I'd need. figured out the process.
and it isn't the prettiest.
but it is done. and I think mostly successful.

and it reminds me of all the things I've learned to do & had to do by myself.
get a mortgage.
buy a house.
find a plumber, a heating specialist, an electrician, a chimney sweep.
strip wallpaper.
patch plaster walls.
patch plaster ceilings.
paint all the walls. a few different times.
re-caulk a bathtub.
re-caulk the floor tile.
pay that mortgage each month.

they may seem like little things. but each one was a challenge for me. and I suppose I need to start recognizing that I did them, and I did them well.

I own buckets of tools now that I never thought I would know how to use.

and I'm almost 40 years old. so I'm glad I know I can do this by myself. & I wish I could go back & tell my 20-yr old self that I'd be okay when on my own.
though frankly I'm also so very happy that I'll soon be sharing my challenges with a partner at my side. since damn, I'm almost 40 years old.

and oh, after finishing the step. and starting to clean up & put things away, libby took it upon herself to try out the new step. so all this self-affirmation aside, my favorite part of all of this, libby's paw im-print that greets me when I come home.

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