it bugged me. all of the time. it seemed disgraceful. like it reflected my ability to care for my home. but I figured someone else would have to fix it for me. cause, it was concrete...
and I asked the men in my life, how do we fix it? I was told it would be pretty easy, it would be a small job, probably too small to hire someone to do, a form would have to be built, maybe drill in some rebar, pour the concrete, re-attach the railing. I didn't believe it would be easy enough for me to do without their help.
and I kept getting stuck at "build a form"?
it finally hit me. I was the person who had to fix it. and waiting for someone to have the time to help me was no longer working.
and so I did.
figured out how to build the form. figured out what tools I'd need. figured out the process.
and it isn't the prettiest.
but it is done. and I think mostly successful.
and it reminds me of all the things I've learned to do & had to do by myself.
get a mortgage.
buy a house.
find a plumber, a heating specialist, an electrician, a chimney sweep.
patch plaster walls.
patch plaster ceilings.
paint all the walls. a few different times.
re-caulk a bathtub.
re-caulk the floor tile.
pay that mortgage each month.
they may seem like little things. but each one was a challenge for me. and I suppose I need to start recognizing that I did them, and I did them well.
I own buckets of tools now that I never thought I would know how to use.
and I'm almost 40 years old. so I'm glad I know I can do this by myself. & I wish I could go back & tell my 20-yr old self that I'd be okay when on my own.
though frankly I'm also so very happy that I'll soon be sharing my challenges with a partner at my side. since damn, I'm almost 40 years old.
and oh, after finishing the step. and starting to clean up & put things away, libby took it upon herself to try out the new step. so all this self-affirmation aside, my favorite part of all of this, libby's paw im-print that greets me when I come home.