I woke up yesterday feeling the tears.
it was just the sadness of not holding their little hands as we walk to lunch.
or the effortless act of meeting a friend for a drink.
of not having to try so hard to make someplace feel familiar.
and then after I cried, I felt better.
as a part of the Taos Indian emergence myth, it is believed that Pueblo community began after many different groups of people finally gathered together from places far away. The groups that came together were the Feather people, Shell people, Water people, Big-Earring people, Knife people, Sun people, Old Axe people, Big Parrot Feather people, Lightning people and the Day people.
So, I'm just another people...A Kansas people, a Wheat-field people, a Great Plains people, or just a To-The-Stars-With-Difficulty people... that has come here to find a community. And if I can just be patient, I will find it too.
knowing that as I feel homesick, I must keep myself learning about this, my new home.
visited the farmer's market on saturday. a nice walk from the house which along the way takes me by a valley full of lazy, grazing cows.
bought these plump, tart, mouth-puckering cherries. they may become some refrigerator jam. or some syrup for gin cocktails.
also bought some just-pink radishes. snap peas. potatoes and even a dozen fresh eggs, all brown & freckled.
then I stopped by the library book sale. even more fun than the market. but I could only buy as much as I could carry on the walk home, along with my carton of eggs & bag full of produce.
but picked up a few local publications from the 1970s. all of which will contain stories and things to learn about my new home.
and I do find some comfort in living "in town" yet hearing roosters crow, cows moo, horses clomping by & occasionally coyotes howl.
and I enjoy watching how the clouds pile up above the mountains. and how the strong warm breezes feel the same as those at home.
today, knowing my heart was full of missing my kansas loves, my boyfriend roused himself out of a lazy Sunday morning, and walked to the Plaza for breakfast and a stop at the bookstore.
when he puts his arm over my shoulders as we walk, I feel within me all my reasons for moving here.
sometimes the clouds roll over from the mountains and only look like they will rain.
these actually did, in a flash of a flooding downpour.
it was amazing to watch from my large living room window.
being homesick is a powerful thing.
feeling that way while also happy is a bit confusing.
or maybe, comforting.
and the lovely little notes I get in the mail from the 4 & 6 yr-old are pretty awesome too.
when d. dug up a new flower bed for us this is part of the treasure we found.
though the horseshoe I want up over our door is one I found in kansas on an abandoned farmstead. it is a bit bigger and heavier. and it is, I like to think, kansas-forged.
|saints waiting for a spot in the yard|
I feel like a fool for not understanding the spanish I hear around me, every day & every where. I took all the classes. I even got good grades. but it has melted away, much like, I suppose, all the math I took too. time to learn once more.
we are learning our new place. new bugs, new dirt and new people. it is possible the cat is adjusting better than I am. as she has discovered a field of grasshoppers & butterflies in the backyard.
but this is part of adventure. exploring the new means leaving some old behind.
|a sunny bedroom window|
most of the boxes are gone. and the routine of the day has begun to settle.
one of the first things we planted, is now blooming. this orange-pink-glowing coneflower.
I can tell I'm away from people I love to see, but at the same time, I'm now getting to see one of those people every morning & night.
|our old beat-up floor|
as I drove myself to the grocery store (the one that seems remarkably like Dillons, but is called Smiths) I thought, this is what I knew I'd be doing one day. driving myself to the store in Taos. and here I am. living that past, present & future.
yesterday we decided to try and grow green chilies & cilantro too.
and as I watch these plants grow, not knowing what the soil is like, or how the cold nights & warm days will affect them, or even understanding what nutrients they need here or just how much I should be watering them, I'm very aware that I'm learning all of this about myself too.
took a sunday afternoon walk on the canyoncito trail.
lush & green, runs along next to the rio pueblo, as well as a fence which marks off the pueblo reservation land.
tiny wild strawberries in bloom.
red columbine, an amazing burst of color in the landscape of forest greens & browns.
aspens along the trail.