evening colors at home.

west window

we've moved.
now down to just a few boxes & some odds & ends. and all the books that need alphabetizing.
but the settling in has begun.

and our nights without street lights are very dark.
and we warm up the house with a fire in the evening.
and our western windows show us the most amazing sunsets.

may day

our new front yard 

busy with all the packing and all the anxiety around packing. and today we got to start moving in.
just 15 minutes away. but still, with all of our stuff.

at some point I get stressed out because something doesn't go in the right box. and I tell myself to breathe. because when it comes out of the box in the new place, it will be put away correctly.

by friday we'll be sleeping in the new house. by sunday we'll have locked up the old one for good.

casa nueva, en Mayo

future bedroom 

we found a place to move to.
for awhile we've been talking about moving out of Taos, to a house with land & trees & quiet.
and we found one.

a year ago I put my house on 200 Allison on the market so that I could move here.
it was exciting. and sad.

the little adobe we've been living in the past year has been fine. but too small. too old. and too close to so many people.

come May 1, we'll be able to move a little north, just 15 minutes outside of town, to a tiny place named Arroyo Hondo. to a house full of tiled floors, white adobe walls, high ceilings and windows everywhere. and just outside, a acequia runs, making little waterfall sounds.

so once again it is exciting (setting aside all the anxiety I get just from the act of moving...I'm by far better suited to stay in one place for long periods of time--change just upsets the sense of stability I try to create in my world). and this time it is not sad.

we'll be there soon little house in Hondo.

learning to live on new soil

a sunny bedroom window

most of the boxes are gone. and the routine of the day has begun to settle.

 one of the first things we planted, is now blooming. this orange-pink-glowing coneflower.


I can tell I'm away from people I love to see, but at the same time, I'm now getting to see one of those people every morning & night.

our old beat-up floor

as I drove myself to the grocery store (the one that seems remarkably like Dillons, but is called Smiths) I thought, this is what I knew I'd be doing one day. driving myself to the store in Taos. and here I am. living that past, present & future.

yesterday we decided to try and grow green chilies & cilantro too.

and as I watch these plants grow, not knowing what the soil is like, or how the cold nights & warm days will affect them, or even understanding what nutrients they need here or just how much I should be watering them, I'm very aware that I'm learning all of this about myself too.

new outdoors

back porch

the past few days involved loading up a big truck, saying goodbye to a good home, driving nine hours in gusty winds, unloading a big truck, cleaning & unpacking in a new home. they also involved digging new holes, adding good dirt & planting wonderful new plants.

we've planted morning glories to grow up the side of the old chicken coop. also in the ground now are varieties of lavender & salvia which I'd never seen, purple coneflower which I brought from kansas, and some zinnias & snapdragons. I plant things knowing that I'll probably have trial & error in this new landscape of the high desert.

the big back yard

but trial & error is what new chapters & new big steps are all about. we've both been working hard to create this new home for ourselves. and tonight we are planning to enjoy our backyard with some meat & veggies on the grill.

every sha-la-la-la

my two favorite visitors came over yesterday.
with happy meals & toys in hand, and some stories to tell.
after a walk around the neighborhood, and some porch swing time, it was time to play records.
the six-yr old requested some "lullabies"
and the closest thing I could find was my Carpenters album.
and then my two favorite visitors did some dancing in the sun room.

and I've had "every sha-la-la-la" in my head all morning long.

may day limbo

people who know me well, know well that I do poorly with uncertainty & limbo in my life. I prefer deadlines, time frames and clearly defined expectations.

and though in the past years I've worked hard at allowing myself to just accept that all is uncertain and stressing out about what can't be controlled is fairly useless...but it is a definite reason why I rarely move, and I've never moved away from Kansas.

having my house for sale, planning to move. these are things that are challenging for me, but I know I will feel like a stronger person for doing them. in the meantime, my stomach is generally nauseous and my dreams are restless. and my house is clean.

those that know also understand that in times of great anxiety, I clean & I organize. my house is so very pretty right now.

and though having to leave my home so that complete strangers can walk through it is not something I can get used to. I do like having a reason to cut flowers to decorate my house.

a concrete step

over the years, the corner of my porch steps crumbled away. it got bigger & bigger, and eventually the railing had nothing to bolt onto...and just hung there in thin air.
it bugged me. all of the time. it seemed disgraceful. like it reflected my ability to care for my home. but I figured someone else would have to fix it for me. cause, it was concrete...

and I asked the men in my life, how do we fix it? I was told it would be pretty easy, it would be a small job, probably too small to hire someone to do, a form would have to be built, maybe drill in some rebar, pour the concrete, re-attach the railing. I didn't believe it would be easy enough for me to do without their help.

and I kept getting stuck at "build a form"?

it finally hit me. I was the person who had to fix it. and waiting for someone to have the time to help me was no longer working.

and so I did.

 figured out how to build the form. figured out what tools I'd need. figured out the process.
and it isn't the prettiest.
but it is done. and I think mostly successful.

and it reminds me of all the things I've learned to do & had to do by myself.
get a mortgage.
buy a house.
find a plumber, a heating specialist, an electrician, a chimney sweep.
strip wallpaper.
patch plaster walls.
patch plaster ceilings.
paint all the walls. a few different times.
re-caulk a bathtub.
re-caulk the floor tile.
pay that mortgage each month.

they may seem like little things. but each one was a challenge for me. and I suppose I need to start recognizing that I did them, and I did them well.

I own buckets of tools now that I never thought I would know how to use.

and I'm almost 40 years old. so I'm glad I know I can do this by myself. & I wish I could go back & tell my 20-yr old self that I'd be okay when on my own.
though frankly I'm also so very happy that I'll soon be sharing my challenges with a partner at my side. since damn, I'm almost 40 years old.

and oh, after finishing the step. and starting to clean up & put things away, libby took it upon herself to try out the new step. so all this self-affirmation aside, my favorite part of all of this, libby's paw im-print that greets me when I come home.

yard sale

yard sale.
a month of collecting things to sell, a morning in which they are all sold.

surprisingly easy to see so many things which have been a part of my home for years, just leave in other people's hands. I guess I'm learning to separate the important from the just-like-a-lot.
and, fortunately, some of the things left in the hands of friends. 

and at the end of the day, it was just one load of stuff to goodwill.
...which is the place where I'd actually bought some of the stuff.

the more I'm getting closer to moving my stuff from this house to a house in new mexico, the more I'm surprised that I'm not more anxious than I am.

it was a good saturday. and I couldn't have done it without my two friends who sold, organized, laughed and drank cocktails right along with me. 

...noticed this morning that the faded petals of my tulips have all blown away, but the spirea is starting to bloom its fluffy white flowers.

spring weekend

the wheat & the sky.

the barn which stubbornly still stands.

some of my tulips. i'd forgotten all the colors which i'd planted.

peaceful & warm sunday afternoon sunshine.

on epiphany

kitchen morning sunshine

in this new year I hope to give more, make more, accumulate less & spend less.
and work on my house.
and to remember to breathe deeply on occasion.

walking on the farm

and to use the internet less, while reading books on paper more.
and to not worry so much about the future when focusing on the present is really the only choice I have. and fortunately, my present is a good one.

at sunset

there, for just a moment.

heat rising

summertime. is among other things, when your air conditioning decides to go out.

and you become thankful for whoever it was that installed your attic fan.
and you discover that new air conditioning, costs a pretty penny.

floods, floors, demolition & friends

this post is a bit of a catch-up.















our annual trek to a bluegrass festival was derailed a bit. by flooding. the big, brown Walnut jumped its banks and took over our usual campgrounds. yet, the festival found a way to proceed. and we were rather simply uprooted miles away to a lake camping. made for a quieter time, and yet maybe the best Winfield City Lake, ever. my t-shirt this year didn't, per usual, commemorate music. but instead, the floods. and stinky mud.















next, my last big house project. at least, the last one I can really manage on my own. (I think)
the front room. wallpapered in leafy imprints and muted mud colors. carpeted in dingy white. well, in the same spirit of inspiration in which I've removed previous ugly carpet from the house (anger, frustration and the need for a distraction) I pulled up the carpet. had to cut it into pieces in order to get it out of my house. the thing was damn heavy. and it threw my allergies into whack. but underneath, the same wood floor as the rest of the house. a bit darker, and a bit scratched up. but, all-in-all, beautiful compared to what it once was. I just might get started on the wallpaper now. I just might. (please hold any questions as to when I'm refinishing the floor)















the demolition part of this post comes from the house across my street. as old as my own. its new owners decided to take it down. the week of demo was dusty & loud. watching it come down, of course threw all those "permanence of life and material possessions" questions into my head. but now, it is a muddy empty lot. giving me a "better" view of Main street. or rather, giving Main street a better view of me. (and yes, d., as you are reading this and wondering if I took video of the demo. I did. Just in thought of you)






























I guess the "friends" part of this post is always around. living in a small town can get to feeling lonely at times. but then you have friends that visit. they buy you coffee or bourbon and remind you of why you liked where you once lived too. or they call you for dinner, b/c they've just decided to drive up from the city-to-the-South. or you realize that you are always busy on weekends because of them. birthday party at a bar on a Sunday afternoon. housewarming parties that start in the afternoon and go into the night. random get-togethers inspired by a bottle of wine. knowing you've got friends knitting downtown on Saturday afternoon. or drinking on a patio on a Friday night. I'm reminding myself of this luck I have. Because I know that in a few months, I'll be deep into Winter and full of the blahs.