guilt

guilt for not noticing sooner that my Libby was injured.
a bite to the paw, leading to a high fever. and now a wrapped up leg. and daily medicine. and another check up next week.

guilt for not being more sad to be moving away. for being excited to see what moving away means for me.

guilt for leaving my brother & his children.
for putting nine hours between me & my whole family.

guilt for getting rid of things which other people gave me.

guilt for not having time to see everyone.

guilt for wanting to skip all the good-byes anyway.

guilt for my accumulation of stuff.

guilt for all the trash I've created.

guilt for forcing my boyfriend to live with a cat, and for forcing my cat to spend nine hours in a car.

today in the vet's office, as libby lashed out in pain as they tried to clean up her wound. i felt that familiar feeling, that I was about to faint. that I was probably turning green. and I needed to sit down, and just breathe. it is all beginning to hit me now. the whirlwind tornado of emotions.

and I know everything I'm feeling is okay.

and I'm just reminding myself that with every step & worry I just need to remember to breathe.