the now four-year old

turning four meant a cinderella carriage, new dresses, handmade aprons & bags, a blanket for your baby dolls, sparkly markers & glitter everywhere. and a lot of other things. all opened in an excited frenzy from a long day of anticipation.

it also meant being able to sit on the table to blow out candles & cut your own cake.

my daffodils are starting to bloom.
my windows are open to the warm air & sounds of a lawn mower.
I wore flip-flops all day.
all very nice, except it is St. Patrick's Day, and it should still be colder.
not complaining,  just a little worried about what it all means for the upcoming summer.

and the kitten has found a new favorite spot for her lazy moments.

yep, there's a picture of my cute cat.

last year I was sitting in an "Irish" pub in Berlin, ordering Jamison in German. well, I wasn't actually the one doing the ordering,  just some of the drinking.

berlin last year

a year ago I'd landed in Berlin. getting ready to do & see so many new things. while not understanding any of the languages I heard around me.

thankfully I had a boyfriend, and two good friends (& their three children) to navigate it all with me.
it was a good trip.

in the midst

in the midst of signs of spring & preparing for changes ahead.
keep reminding myself to pause.
breathe.

once I begin a project, I'm always focused on getting it done as soon as I can.
sometimes causing anxiety & rushing.
over the past few years I've learned to calmly remind myself, I can't control the outcome. I can only do my best in the moment.

and pause to enjoy the green tips of daffodils & tulips popping out of the ground. and the sunshine that pours into my kitchen in the morning.

snowy date

a good drink in a cozy bar.
a disappointing dinner in a favorite restaurant.
laughing at ourselves. & how we're okay if some things never change.
and the snow fell all night.

we decided next year, to skip the restaurant and all of those valentine's expectations.
but still plan to go out for a good drink.

sunday morning snowy walk

woke up too early for a sunday. and then the altitude got in the way of successful breakfast baking.
but we saved the morning by taking a walk in the new snow.

explored little streets and hidden courtyards which I had not yet seen.

walked through the city cemetery and found one of its famous residents, her tombstone decorated by plastic, red roses beautifully peeking out from the snow.

I do love how the landscape of brown adobe is so often interrupted by colors brightened by the snow.

and I learned last night that when you are ordering a burger that comes with a side of "corn chips" that in Taos, that means "tortilla chips" & not the fritos you began to crazy crave after you thought you'd ordered them.

morning sun

baking bread at 7,000 ft isn't as easy as at 1,500 ft. my first attempt only half successful. but am determined to figure it out.

the morning sunshine is mighty today.

drinking coffee slowly.
thinking about friends, family & changes.

eventually, a walk to the plaza to look at yarn. or used books.

afternoon drive

today we took a drive, to see some country around taos.
and our road led us to a hot springs, which meant stopping for a good soak.

getting to the springs meant a rocky walk down into the gorge.
nature seemed settled & quiet into winter silence.

my heart keeps leading me back to this place.
I never intended to live anywhere but my kansas plains.
and now, when I consider the future, and how it might mean living here with the wide, open desert always nearby, and these old, sloping mountains always in view, it seems like a chapter I wasn't expecting but maybe needed to find.

the challenge would be in feeling so far away from home, while also being someplace I would be calling home.

starting february

the kitten didn't help too much with packing.

the sign that the train is now in new mexico.

with a generous christmas gift from the folks, I had booked a sleeper car for this trip. which feels luxurious when you've become used to trying to sleep in a reclining chair in coach along with 30 other people. so I was able to watch the scenery roll by, while in bed with cozy, quiet solitude.

trees blackened but still standing, from last summer's fire.

and this is the landscape that tells me i'm closer to taos than I am to newton.

and new mexico greeted me at the train station with freshly brewing pressed coffee.
which is one of the ways I know that I am loved.

knowing home & family

winter has been warm. this morning, with a little rain on the sidewalks, it seemed like spring time.

have been thinking about what I need from the place I call home. i grew up with two homes, one in town & one on the farm. and am learning to have two homes again, this time 500 miles apart rather than only 15 miles.

happy & sad recent events, and our time together for the holidays, has been a reminder to me of the fortune my brother & I have had with family. 

whatever the future holds with my job, my home or the presidential election, at least I know & have homes to go to and family to love.

when we still believe in fairies

some day she'll be like the rest of us in plain jeans & dark, warm jackets.
but for now, she'd rather be dressed like tinkerbell.

on epiphany

kitchen morning sunshine

in this new year I hope to give more, make more, accumulate less & spend less.
and work on my house.
and to remember to breathe deeply on occasion.

walking on the farm

and to use the internet less, while reading books on paper more.
and to not worry so much about the future when focusing on the present is really the only choice I have. and fortunately, my present is a good one.

storytime

grandma making you a princess dress for christmas.
one of the best presents, ever.

and then ignoring the rest of christmas so that she could play an imaginary fairytale that involved reading her little handmade book to herself, was the super best.

timing

found this bloom today. cheery.
seriously, how does it know it is christmas time?

baked all the cookies.
cleaned the house.
got through a week of work.
and now i'm waiting for new mexico to get here. and every time I hear a car door, I get up to look.
so i'm not sitting still.

some dusty snow. helping the outdoors look as cold as it was.

tis the time of year to wish I had a wood-burning fire to keep warm by.
and to enjoy warm wool and hot cups of coffee. having reasons to warm up the oven and bake.

and I loved this shelf of winking & smiling santas.

I think I'm done with finding presents. so now I can just try and appreciate the sentiment of the season. a time to gather & a time to give. with hopefully little drama & chaos.

sunny walk on thanksgiving day.
along a trail supposedly on ancestral pueblo ruins.
we decided it might be a government farce.
but the firs, juniper & pinon trees were beautiful.
and I found a few pine cones.

when a kid, around this time of year, my mom would suggest my brother & I find holiday decorations by taking walk around the farm. that may be why I'm still looking for pinecones.

my thanks are for a family that have given me a lifetime of always knowing I am loved. for the friends that smile when they see me. for the joy of a niece & nephew. for the luck of having two places with wide open spaces, one framed by mountains, that both feel like home. and for a kansas-born new mexican who loves to take these walks with me.

pieces

a morning mile hike took us to Posi-Ouinge, once a large Pueblo settlement. It was lived in & left behind before the 16th century. on a desert cliff, overlooking a creek. with soothing hot springs waters nearby.

now we walk on large mounds of soft, sifted dirt, which were once 3-story homes housing thousands of people.

and the pottery remains are just damn everywhere.

fortunately the two of us share an ability to spend amazing amounts of time looking & finding. the possibilities of history filling our minds.

and like so many of us before, we left all of the found treasures behind. since they are not ours to take.  and they are left in groups. sorted, displayed & treasured.

I now prefer to travel by sleeper car. if only it were as cheap as coach.

remnant of a home with solitude. before roads.

and a sunny walk before lunch. on desert walked on by others for a thousand years.