a concrete step

over the years, the corner of my porch steps crumbled away. it got bigger & bigger, and eventually the railing had nothing to bolt onto...and just hung there in thin air.
it bugged me. all of the time. it seemed disgraceful. like it reflected my ability to care for my home. but I figured someone else would have to fix it for me. cause, it was concrete...

and I asked the men in my life, how do we fix it? I was told it would be pretty easy, it would be a small job, probably too small to hire someone to do, a form would have to be built, maybe drill in some rebar, pour the concrete, re-attach the railing. I didn't believe it would be easy enough for me to do without their help.

and I kept getting stuck at "build a form"?

it finally hit me. I was the person who had to fix it. and waiting for someone to have the time to help me was no longer working.

and so I did.

 figured out how to build the form. figured out what tools I'd need. figured out the process.
and it isn't the prettiest.
but it is done. and I think mostly successful.

and it reminds me of all the things I've learned to do & had to do by myself.
get a mortgage.
buy a house.
find a plumber, a heating specialist, an electrician, a chimney sweep.
strip wallpaper.
patch plaster walls.
patch plaster ceilings.
paint all the walls. a few different times.
re-caulk a bathtub.
re-caulk the floor tile.
pay that mortgage each month.

they may seem like little things. but each one was a challenge for me. and I suppose I need to start recognizing that I did them, and I did them well.

I own buckets of tools now that I never thought I would know how to use.

and I'm almost 40 years old. so I'm glad I know I can do this by myself. & I wish I could go back & tell my 20-yr old self that I'd be okay when on my own.
though frankly I'm also so very happy that I'll soon be sharing my challenges with a partner at my side. since damn, I'm almost 40 years old.

and oh, after finishing the step. and starting to clean up & put things away, libby took it upon herself to try out the new step. so all this self-affirmation aside, my favorite part of all of this, libby's paw im-print that greets me when I come home.


waterfall, tornadoes & some snow

with a few afternoon hours left we took a drive up el salto road. the plan was to take a little walk up to a waterfall that occurs only in the Spring.

a smell of pine trees, wet leaves & cool air. and then, from over the top of a large mountain cave, the water falling.

drove back knowing it was near time to check the radar. worried about all the storms predicted to hit my kansas home. as we drove into town, it started to snow.
& all I could really think about were the dark stormy clouds that may be rolling over harvey county.

got home & after watching the weather. and holding our breath. and then calling home. and then exhaling. we went outside to enjoy the snow before dark.

and I realized that moving from home doesn't mean I'll ever stop worrying about tornadoes. and thank goodness my kansas-raised boyfriend can understand.


big & little things

the gorge in which flows the Rio Grande. you drive along flat desert & then there it is, this amazing natural split in the earth.

getting struck down by a cold that makes it hard to breathe or get out of bed. and having someone right near by to keep making you hot tea and do all the dishes.

and continuing to find that no matter what I take with me, or what I leave behind, my home is in two places now. (though I really think wind chimes help make a home comfortable & relaxing, so i'll be working with my new mexican on that one.)


easter morning in taos

first the easter egg hunt, for the 6-yr old who is visiting.

and soon a walk along the Rio Grande Gorge, since we think enjoying an incredible view of natural may be a proper way to celebrate the morning.


yard sale

yard sale.
a month of collecting things to sell, a morning in which they are all sold.

surprisingly easy to see so many things which have been a part of my home for years, just leave in other people's hands. I guess I'm learning to separate the important from the just-like-a-lot.
and, fortunately, some of the things left in the hands of friends. 

and at the end of the day, it was just one load of stuff to goodwill.
...which is the place where I'd actually bought some of the stuff.

the more I'm getting closer to moving my stuff from this house to a house in new mexico, the more I'm surprised that I'm not more anxious than I am.

it was a good saturday. and I couldn't have done it without my two friends who sold, organized, laughed and drank cocktails right along with me. 

...noticed this morning that the faded petals of my tulips have all blown away, but the spirea is starting to bloom its fluffy white flowers.