pretty & quiet

the pansies are losing their luster. 

blooming less, stems turning slightly yellow. 

they are telling me it is already the middle of summertime.

I clipped my huge pot of pansies, cutting back the stragglers. and I was throwing them on the ground, when d. stopped me, and reminded me that they are pretty too. so in some water the bunch went.

a busy social, day today. yard sales this morning with a friend, afternoon bbq & yard games at another friend's, and this evening helping at the theatre with concessions. a different kind of day for me.

I have always had a tug-of-war with my desire to be quiet, and around quiet, and the idea I'm too quiet. growing up my mother said it was fine to be "anti-social", while my dad said I needed to get out and smile more. they were both, in their different ways, encouraging me to do what they thought was best.

I think as I've gotten older, I've figured out my balance. and I do the things I enjoy with the people I like to be around. (people I find it easy to smile with) I accept invitations when they are important to the person inviting me. but I've (mostly) stopped doing social activities out of guilt or obligation. 

I visited a healing, comforting curandera last Fall. and she thought it is just in my personal being...I'm simply quiet on the inside, and therefore, I seek the quiet places outside too.